Sunday, November 14, 2010

On Marriage


It was my privilege and pleasure to partake in the wedding service of our eldest daughter recently. I just thought I would share some thoughts on a Christian perspective on marriage and I acknowledge Dietrich Bonhoeffer and his thoughts from a wedding sermon from the book "Letters and Papers from Prison"

It is good to welcome and celebrate the wedding day with a unique sense of triumph. When all the difficulties, obstacles, hindrances and doubts and misgivings have been honestly faced and overcome- and it is good not to take everything for granted- the happy couple have achieved the most important triumph of their lives. With the “Yes” that they have said to each other, they have by their free choice given a new direction to their lives.


They have cheerfully and confidently defied all the uncertainties and hesitations with which, as they know, a lifelong partnership between two people is faced; and by their own action they have conquered a new land to live in. Every wedding must be an occasion of joy that human beings can do such great things, that they have been given such immense freedom and power to take the helm in their life’s journey.
Today however much they rejoice that they have reached their goal, they will be just as thankful that God’s will and God’s way have brought them here; and however confidently responsibility for their action today is accepted, they may and will put it today with equal confidence into God’s hands.
As God today adds his “Yes” to their “Yes”, as he confirms their will with his will, and as he allows them, and approves of, their triumphing and rejoicing and pride, he makes them at the same time instruments of his will and purpose both for themselves and for others. In his unfathomable way God adds his yes to theirs; but by doing so, he creates out of their love something quite new- the holy estate of matrimony.
God is guiding their marriage. They only see each other but in marriage they are a link in the chain of the generations in which he perpetuates the human race till the end of time. Their love is between those two, but marriage is more than something personal- it is a status, an office. Someone may desire to rule a country but it is not merely the desire to rule that makes him king, it is the crown that gives him the office of king. In the same way it is not merely their love for each other, but marriage that joins them together in the sight of God and Man. As they first gave the ring to one another and have now received it a second time from the hand of the pastor, so love comes from you, but marriage from above, from God. As high as God is above man, so high are the sanctity, the rights, and the promise of marriage above the sanctity the rights and the promise of love. It is not their love that sustains the marriage, but from now on, the marriage that sustains their love. God has joined two together in marriage; it is his act and not theirs. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. God is the guarantor that marriage is indissoluble, enduring. It is a blessed thing to know that no power on earth, no temptation, no human frailty can dissolve what God holds together; indeed any one who knows that may say confidently; What God has joined together , CAN no man put asunder. They can now confidently say to each other “We can never lose each other now; by the will of God we belong to each other till death.”

Marriage is God’s idea so he has made a way for it to be workable; he establishes a rule of life by which two can live together in wedlock. Something of the divine splendour is represented in marriage. Marriage is a symbol of Christ’s love for the church and how the church is to love Christ. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, just as the Church acknowledges the leadership of Christ- Husbands, love your wives, as he sacrificially gave his life for the church so too should a man love his wife.

In this way God gives to husband and wife the honour that is due to each. Just as she becomes his helper he too will “leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. Your relationship to each other becomes the most important one on earth; its not that you now neglect your parents but the priority has shifted. Above all your relationship with Christ is paramount.

God gives Christ as a foundation for marriage. “Welcome one another, therefore, as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.” In a word live together in the forgiveness of your sins, for without it no human fellowship; least of all a marriage can survive. Don’t insist on your rights, don’t blame each other, but accept each other as you are, and forgive each other every day from the bottom of your hearts.

Thank him for your marriage, for leading you this far, ask him to establish your marriage, to confirm it, sanctify it, and preserve it. And so your marriage will be “for the praise of his glory”. Amen.